When Mother’s Day doesn’t come easy
Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate our moms and everything they have done for us. It is a small way to recognize all the unseen and huge struggles moms face every day to make sure their children have everything they need. But what happens when Mother’s day doesn’t come easy.
There are so many reasons I’ve personally seen that cause mother’s day to be hard. I am very thankful that my mom just lives 30 minutes away. We are able to see her often and speak on the phone when we can’t. But for many, their mother’s are far away. Thankfully, with modern technology, we can not only hear but see our moms via smartphones.
Different Types of Distance
So many children (adult too) deal with their mother’s living far away, but there are different types of distant. I have seen the sadness on these days from many whose mothers or children have passed on.
This hurt leaving them wishing so badly that they could hug them, just one more time. Though time does heal the heart, it is something that we cannot change. There are s ton of fantastic support groups out there that can help though. Contact your local churches and libraries to find one that works for you.
When Mother’s day doesn’t come easy: A Strain on the Relationship
There is also one more type of distance that makes mother’s day hard on so many families. That is the distance of the heart. I have seen so many families struggle the worst with this one. When a relationship is so strained that Mother’s day can bring on more pain than love. This is the one we must solve now!
Though you hear of these strained relationships primarily with adult children, the core of the issues typically starts within those childhood years. Those years where you see the final strings break as the teenager gains independence and insight, leaving home and severing ties.
Imbalanced Parenting Roles in Childhood
Before those years come, it is important to build and maintain strong relationships with our children. We must find the balance between disciplinarian and friend, something many young parents struggle with greatly. When these roles are imbalanced, it can lead to a strain on the relationship with your children.
When you choose to be more of a friend, everything will seem perfect for a while. Your child will favor you and come to you for everything. They will feel like they can tell you anything and everything, which is amazing. Eventually, though, you will have a moment you have to discipline and provide expectations.
If your roles are imbalanced as a parent, your child will struggle to follow your guidelines. They will feel that you don’t expect them to do it or will let them slide on expectations. When these moments come up, it leaves the child confused. Often, the child will feel abandoned by their friend and confused about your change in demeanor. This issue can cause a strain on the relationship and leaving a separation between the two.
On the opposite side, primarily being the disciplinarian creates a different outcome. Parents in this position never mean a negative outcome. Quite the opposite, their goal is to show their love by the discipline. Often times, they do not realize the child doesn’t feel the connection.
In these situations, many children will continue seeking their parent’s affections and approval for years. This can lead to the child even lying about themselves because they cannot live up to the perceived expectations. These children feel that the lie of themselves is what their parent is searching for, and will receive their love because of it. When the child stops seeking this approval, this is when a relationship can become strained
Finding Balance and Tranquility
As young parents, you always hear of the good cop/bad cop scenarios. When it comes to parenting, there shouldn’t be one good parent and one bad parent. Both parents need to find the balance so they can grow the relationship with their children. Even in separated households, this is still the case.
When we find the balance and tranquility within our parenting styles and homes, we can prevent these strains on our relationships with our children. Even if you are currently facing one of these types of parenting struggles, it is never too late. Identifying the struggle is always the first step in solving any type of struggle. With the right supports in place, you can change your families path for the better.
When Mother’s day doesn’t come easy due to a strain in a relationship with your children, this can be the hardest time for you. The good thing is now is the perfect time to solve it!
If you are looking for some support to help repair and bring tranquility into your home, please head over to ParentUup.com to sign up for your FREE parenting portal. A place where you can find the resources for both parents and children alike.